Spiritual Abuse as Soul-Murder

"For most people of faith, their faith is a source of solace. It gives them comfort and strength for all manner of life's travails. It's a powerful resource for healing. But for me, faith is neurologically networked with a nightmare. Sexual trauma and faith are inextricably seared together in my brain.

This is what it means to be subjected to the force of faith unleashed by a clergy predator. It is not only physically, psychologically, and emotionally devastating, but it is also spiritually annihilating. It is soul-murder. It is why many experts talk about the unique nature of clergy abuse trauma and the devastation of its impact.

When faith has been used as a weapon, it becomes almost impossible to use it as a resource for healing."

~ Christa Brown, This Little Light: Beyond a Baptist Preacher Predator and His Gang

I just finished reading Christa Brown's memoir of her experience of sexual abuse and cover-up in the Baptist church. She begins by recounting how she, as a sixteen-year-old, was groomed by her youth pastor, who sexually violated her while telling her it was "God's will." When she goes to another pastor for help, she's told never to speak of it again, and as word gets out, Brown is forced to apologize to the youth pastor's wife for "seducing" her husband.

It's a heartbreaking story, but where it gets worse is when Brown tries to actually do something about it—she wants to make sure other children do not have the same thing happen to them. She realizes that in the Baptist church, there was no system of accountability to prevent sexual abusers from simply changing churches and starting again. (Her own abuser remained a pastor in a large Baptist church even after her claims of abuse were credibly substantiated.) What becomes apparent is that NO ONE is willing to do anything about it. Not the men who know the truth. Not the president of the SBC. Not the Baptist pastors who speak platitudes about how much they care about truth and transparency and about God.

The moral of the story, I think, is an all-too-common theme of churches protecting the institution. Or as Dr. Diane Langberg writes, "Why do I say many church leaders have failed God on the issue of abuse? Because we protected our own institutions and status more than His name or His people. In doing so, we taught people that the institution is what God loves, not the sheep. Resharing:"

Brown's book was published in 2009, and it's basically a recounting of how 1)vulnerable people in the church are not protected, 2)victims of abuse are gaslit and further abused, and 3)how the perpetrators (specifically pastors in her book) get away with it with pretty much no consequences. It's now 2026. One hopes that things have changed—she wrote a follow-up in 2024, Baptistland, which I haven't read—but based on some recent podcasts she's been on, it seems she's still out there fighting the good fight).

I'm thankful for Christa and the light that she continues to shine. Our churches need to become better informed on the dynamics of clergy abuse. And we need to speak up for abuse victims—for the glory of Christ's name and for the sake of his sheep.

Binded as an Ornament

  "Therefore, I bind these lies and slanderous accusations to my person as an ornament; it belongs to my Christian profession to be villified, slandered, reproached and reviled, and since all this is nothing but that, as God and my conscience testify, I rejoice in being reproached for Christ's sake."

~John Bunyan

The Way You Receive the Kingdom of Heaven

 "Jesus is not saying that you can earn the kingdom of heaven by the thoroughness of your commitment. Your willingness to sell everything ...  is the way you receive the kingdom of heaven, but it's not the way to merit the kingdom of heaven. That's very important.

You turn the light switch on on the wall, and it seems to cause the coming on of the light, but it doesn't. As we know, what causes the coming on of the light is the power. The light switch simply is a channel to the power ... the light switch has no power of its own.

This is one of the most important distinctions not only in theology but in your own personal experiential understanding of Christianity. There is something God says that you must do to receive the kingdom of heaven, but there's nothing you can do to earn the kingdom of heaven. Total commitment is the way it is received but not earned. The Parable of the Prodigal Son tells us how it is earned because, you see, to get the robe, to get the ring, to get the fatted calf, though it's free to the prodigal us, the prodigal you and me, it's at the expense of the older brother; it's been paid for by someone else. And now, of course, it's received through repentance, through commitment, through the willingness of the prodigal son to come and say, "Father, do what you want with me. Father, no conditions. Father, I come back and I throw myself at your feet." What is going on? Repentance, commitment, letting go of everything, laying yourself out, utter commitment. But that is not what brings him back in. That's what receives the father's welcome, but what earns the father's welcome ... is the fact that all of the wealth the father puts now onto the prodigal—the robe, the ring, and the fatted cow—belongs to the elder brother, so it's at his expense."

Tim Keller, The Parable of the Pearl: On Priorities, sermon at Redeemer Presbyterian Church of NYC on August 28, 1994. A sermon on Jesus's parables of the hidden treasure and the pearl from Matthew 13:44–45.

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what he is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is he up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but he is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it himself."

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Valley of Vision

 Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,

Thou has brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;

Let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty
Thy glory in my valley.

Fear the Lord and Serve Him Faithfully

Be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.

1 Samuel 12:24

I saw this over on Pinterest and I like it because, let's face it, I'd be tempted to make content on how to style your hair. This is a helpful reminder that I'm called to model Christ, and modeling hard and holy things is far more important.
 

True Contentment

Contentment is possible only as we cultivate and maintain the attitude of accepting everything which enters our lives as coming from the hand of him who is too wise to err, and too loving to cause one of his children a needless tear.

～A.W. Pink

Eve’s Sin Looks Like Our Sin

Eve's response [to Satan] ... is to doubt God's word, to doubt that his threat of judgment would come true, to doubt God's goodness toward her, and to believe God is indeed trying to prevent her from achieving her full glory and potential.

As we look into our own hearts, we need to acknowledge that these are very powerful temptations, temptations with which every one of us constantly struggles. 

Through His Eyes: God's Perspective on Women in the Bible, Jerram Barrs, pgs. 28–29