"For most people of faith, their faith is a source of solace. It gives them comfort and strength for all manner of life's travails. It's a powerful resource for healing. But for me, faith is neurologically networked with a nightmare. Sexual trauma and faith are inextricably seared together in my brain.
This is what it means to be subjected to the force of faith unleashed by a clergy predator. It is not only physically, psychologically, and emotionally devastating, but it is also spiritually annihilating. It is soul-murder. It is why many experts talk about the unique nature of clergy abuse trauma and the devastation of its impact.
When faith has been used as a weapon, it becomes almost impossible to use it as a resource for healing."
~ Christa Brown, This Little Light: Beyond a Baptist Preacher Predator and His Gang
I just finished reading Christa Brown's memoir of her experience of sexual abuse and cover-up in the Baptist church. She begins by recounting how she, as a sixteen-year-old, was groomed by her youth pastor, who sexually violated her while telling her it was "God's will." When she goes to another pastor for help, she's told never to speak of it again, and as word gets out, Brown is forced to apologize to the youth pastor's wife for "seducing" her husband.
It's a heartbreaking story, but where it gets worse is when Brown tries to actually do something about it—she wants to make sure other children do not have the same thing happen to them. She realizes that in the Baptist church, there was no system of accountability to prevent sexual abusers from simply changing churches and starting again. (Her own abuser remained a pastor in a large Baptist church even after her claims of abuse were credibly substantiated.) What becomes apparent is that NO ONE is willing to do anything about it. Not the men who know the truth. Not the president of the SBC. Not the Baptist pastors who speak platitudes about how much they care about truth and transparency and about God.
The moral of the story, I think, is an all-too-common theme of churches protecting the institution. Or as Dr. Diane Langberg writes, "Why do I say many church leaders have failed God on the issue of abuse? Because we protected our own institutions and status more than His name or His people. In doing so, we taught people that the institution is what God loves, not the sheep. Resharing:"
Brown's book was published in 2009, and it's basically a recounting of how 1)vulnerable people in the church are not protected, 2)victims of abuse are gaslit and further abused, and 3)how the perpetrators (specifically pastors in her book) get away with it with pretty much no consequences. It's now 2026. One hopes that things have changed—she wrote a follow-up in 2024, Baptistland, which I haven't read—but based on some recent podcasts she's been on, it seems she's still out there fighting the good fight).
I'm thankful for Christa and the light that she continues to shine. Our churches need to become better informed on the dynamics of clergy abuse. And we need to speak up for abuse victims—for the glory of Christ's name and for the sake of his sheep.
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