Wednesday, October 7, 2009

15 (or so) Ways to Charm Her

Sheet Music

My ability to sit down and write a coherent blog seems to have gone straight out the window. Last night I sat and fiddled around on my laptop, for, oh, I don't know, THREE HOURS? I was working on a blog entry that entire time. I may have just decided to scrap the said blog entry (I finally had to give up on it last night and just go to bed).

So, this is what I have resorted to. I've become enamored with another blogger (yes, another one), Miss Meg Fee, who writes in such an engaging way. I discovered her though the equally endearing Taza at The Rockstar Diaries. Anyway, I read this over at The Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell, and I LOVED it. So, I'm reposting here. Hope that's okay, Meg!

I should probably begin by saying that I am a southern girl. At heart. It's actually up for argument a bit (mostly the people who argue with me about where I am from don't really know my history so well). I was born in Augusta, Georgia, which makes me, I think, officially a "Georgia Peach." My first home was in Aiken, South Carolina, which is where both of my parents hail from, as well as the majority of my grandparents (with the exception of Grandma, who was Brooklyn-born, but after living in Aiken for almost fifty years of her life, I'm going to say she can lay claim to that Southerner title as well). We moved quite a bit when I was growing up-- moving from South Carolina to Texas and back again, and then to Virginia, and finally to Delaware. Here's where it gets a bit sticky. You see, Delaware isn't really considered a southern state. As a South Carolinian (which is what I say I am), we see Virginia as barely southern (although I give them major points for being the capital of the Confederacy) which means that Delaware is definitely NOT southern. But, as a girl trying to argue her case for why she's really a southerner, I would argue that while Delaware fought for the north in the war between the states, the majority of Delawareans were in favor of letting the south secede from the union. Moreover, Lincoln actually (unconstitutionally) forced Delaware to support his cause by ordering the Federal army to occupy the state and not allowing the state legislature to discuss the issue (For further reading on Lincoln and the other side of him that you won't find in typical history books, see The Real Lincoln by Thomas DiLorenzo). So, Delaware WAS southern-ish. All that aside, my parents really are true southerners, and they raised me with their mindset and values.

If you still don't believe me, then I submit the following article, which I shamelessly pilfered from Meg's blog. The article explains what southern girls look for in a man, and, well, all of the following items, with the exception of the one about football, resonate with me.

Fellows, take note:

15 Ways to Charm Her
Want to impress a Southern girl? Just think "What would my grandfather have done?"
By Amy Bickers

Number one: We still expect you to give up your seat for a lady. On a bus, at a bar, on a train . . . we don't care where you are. Unless you are at a restaurant and the only lady in sight is the one taking your order, stand up. Now.

On a recent Friday night at a bustling restaurant bar, two friends and I waited for our table to be called. The barstools were occupied so we stood patiently, sipping wine and chatting about the workweek. When a couple nearby stood up, another woman - who had been there less time than we had - swooped in, reaching across us to put her purse on the stool. This isn't the worst part. It's what happened next: her male companion then slid onto the other barstool.

Hang on while I do a geography check. Are we not in the South? If ladies are waiting for a seat and you have a Y chromosome, do you sit down? No, sir. No, you do not.

We know modern life is confusing. The roles of men and women have evolved over the years. As Pink once sang, "Shorty got a job, Shorty got a car, Shorty can pay her own rent."

But come on, let's keep some things old-school. My late grandfather - he of the East Texas upbringing, U.S. Navy captain status, and Cary Grant good looks - would never have allowed a woman to stand while he sat. And if you want a Southern woman to love you, neither will you. So, men, here's a short list of things Southern girls still expect from you.

We still expect you to . . .

[ONE] Stand up for a lady. Actually, this doesn't just involve chairs.

[TWO] Know that the SEC has the best football teams in the nation. Big 12 fan? Hmm, perhaps you should keep walking.

[THREE] Kill bugs. Delta Burke as Southern belle Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women said, "Ya know . . . when men use Women's Liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for you? Oh, I just hate that! I don't care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!"

[FOUR] Hold doors open.

[FIVE] Fix things or build stuff. I once watched in awe as my stepfather built a front porch on the house he shares with my mother. He knew just what to do, cutting every notch, hammering every nail. The project was complete by sunset.

[SIX] Wear boots occasionally. Not the fancy, I-paid-$1000-for-these kind. We're talking about slightly mud-crusted, I-could-have-just-come-in-from-the-field boots.

[SEVEN] Take your hat off inside.

[EIGHT] Grill stuff.

[NINE] Call us. If you want to ask us out, don't text and don't email. Pick up the phone and use your voice.

[TEN] Stand when we come back to the dinner table. "Just a little half-stand is enough to make me melt," my friend Stephanie says.

[ELEVEN] Pull out our chairs. Wait, that's not all. Scoot them back in before we hit the floor.

[TWELVE] Pay the tab on the first few dates. "If you ask me out, you pay," Stephanie says. "If I ask you out, you should still pay." Listen, guys, it's just simpler this way.

[THIRTEEN] Don't show up in a wrinkled, untucked shirt.Care about your appearance, but not too much. Don't smell better than we do. Don't use mousse or gel. You shouldn't look like you spend more time in front of the mirror than we do.

[FOURTEEN] Never get in bar fights. Patrick Swazye might look cool in Road House, but in reality, bar fights are stupid and embarrassing. You don't look tough. You look like an idiot.

[FIFTEEN] Know how to mix our favorite cocktail just the way we like it. Fix your favorite too. Sit down on the porch (it's okay if you didn't build it), tell us how your day went, and we'll tell you about ours.

We'll leave the long list to the girl who falls in love with you.

Meg adds a number [SIXTEEN] to the list which I agree with, so I'll keep it:
[SIXTEEN] Make sure you ask my father for my hand in marriage before asking me.
And, just for fun, I'll add my own [SEVENTEEN] and [EIGHTEEN]:
[SEVENTEEN] Put the toilet seat down! I know it seems silly and like a trifle, but it really does drive me CRAZY!

[EIGHTEEN] Walk me to my car. Especially late at night. When it's dark and scary.
Oh, just thought of [NINETEEN]. I think I'm having a little too much fun with this!
[NINETEEN] Carry my bags/boxes for me. If I am burdened, and you are not, please help!
So, it's a bit of a long list (well, not so long), but really, it's not that hard it is? I am not exagerrating when I say that when a fella does anything on the aforementioned list (especially when it comes to something like helping carry my things, or opening the car door for me) it really makes me swoon.

I can't explain why. Maybe it's because I am, indeed, a southern gal ;)



joelle said...

I think with many of these things they are simply polite! Offering seats, holding doors, and offering help carrying things display good manners... which unfortunately many men (and women I suppose) lack. For shame. Yeah, I could not care less about the football piece though... I have to say not a shabby list all and all, not at all. If I could add another:

Walk me to my door if it is late in the evening... if you have driven separately then ask if I could text/call when I got home so you knew I got home alright. (This I just feel displays good manners and a practical concern for safety!)

TD-2243 said...

Wow, Joelle, you took the words right out of my mouth. A football preference? That's beyond dumb.

Jay said...

If you were really a Southern girl wouldn't you have called the war between states the "war of Northern aggression"? And I was under the impression that if you wanted to charm a Southern girl you should buy her ear rings that double up as fishing lures, and take the toothpick out of your mouth before you kiss her.

Actually, I think these are very good pieces of advice -- and while I'm unlikely to run into a Southern girl, I shall try and use them as a general rule of thumb.

elventryst said...

I actually have been known to the use the phrase, "War of Northern Agression" when I talk about the civil war (and think the southern states-- or any state, for that matter-- had and has a constitutional right to secession. I also think Lincoln is a glorified ass who, as president, usurped power to serve himself, and in doing so began the long, downhill slope of taking powers which were not ascribed to him which has been followed by too many presidents since, including our modern day presidents. I think those viewpoints alone mark me as having an affinity to the south). That said, when I blog, for better or worse, I do try to stay neutral (mostly because I don't want nasty comments, and because it always turns me off on other blogs when people get too political, preachy, etc.), so I wouldn't use the phrase "Northern Aggression" here.

And wow, don't know how quite to respond to the comment about fishing lures and toothpicks. I definitely think there are some "country" gals out there, but that stereotype is really not fair. I will take it as a joke, though, as I am sure it was intended:)

As for the "rules," I have to agree with Joelle that they are really just good manners-- I'm sure any girl, whether a Yankee or southern belle (as long as they haven't been confounded by all that feminism nonsense), would love to be treated like that. That said, men (and women) with these sets of manners seem to be few and far between. I have not had much luck with the fellows I have dates, that's for sure!

Thanks for commenting everybody-- I really do love hearing your perspectives!

Inspired Kara said...

HAHA Oh goodness I loved reading this!! I think they apply to this Midwestern girl too. Well, except for maybe football :)

Jay said...

Yikes -- no offence was intended, sorry!

Ms. Jenn said...

I love this list. Agree with all of it and being a Gator girl, I'd say definitely agree with the SEC comment.