Oh Joy!!

This beauty came in the mail today:

I haven't counted it yet, but I think all the pattern pieces are present (unlike this playsuit pattern I bought off of eBay a while back).  I've been wanting to make a playsuit for a while.  I have the cutest picture of my grandma wearing one, and I want to make one similar to it.

My Golden Grams, on right-- isn't she stunning?

It's fall here now, with winter well on its way, so I may put the pattern aside for the time being, but it is going on my to do list!

XOXO,

One Year Later

It was one year ago today that I received news that would be forever imprinted upon my heart: my dear Grandma had passed away.  She really was the most incredible woman I've ever known-- a God-fearing woman who was devoted to her family.  She was brave-- she enlisted in the war (WWII) after her boyfriend died while fighting.  She decided she wanted to fight in his place, and at the age of twenty, she left her home in Brooklyn behind and travelled to Georgia for training.  She was stationed in Miami, where she met my grandfather, and later settled in South Carolina, where she lived until she died.

My sister scanned these pictures (among others) last year.  I've included a smattering-- they focus on Grandma, but some also feature my grandfather, my great grandmothers, my great aunt, my mother, and my uncle.  I think these pictures capture something of Grandma's spirit-- that of woman who was nurturing and brought joy to those around her.  She was a dear friend, and always up for just about anything.  I miss you, Grandma!

XOXO,

Lillian Vera Herbrandt Howard Beach, Long Island, NY July 28, 1931

May 3, 1942

George Wyman and Lillian V. Herbrandt Stiefel October 21, 1944 Wedding Day

6 years 4 months old. March 1, 1930 at school Miss Geharst Grade 1B

Palisades Park, NY Aug 29, 1941

1942

Polly's Rock and Round Top Mountain in background Catskill Mountains, NY Aug 1943

Anna Marie Nickens Herbrandt and Lillian Vera Herbrandt (Stiefel) Jones Beach, July 5, 1942

George F., George W., Lillian H., and Melanie C. Stiefel Dec 25, 1956

Lillian V. Herbrandt and Anna Marie Nickens Herbrandt Jones Beach June 5, 1942

Lillian Vera Herbrandt and Anna Marie Herbrandt Lillian wearing favorite rust dress she made Palisades Park NJ Aug 29, 1941

Anna Marie Herbrandt, Ben Tumulty, Lillian Herbrandt 1941 Rye Beach

Statue of Ponce de Leon St Augustine, Fla. Lillie Mae Stiefel, Lillian H. Stiefel, Claude Stiefel, and Melanie Claire Stiefel

George Bach & Lillian Herbrandt Boundbrook, NJ

Bus ride from Davis & Geck Margie Egan and Lillian V. Herbrandt at Lake Ronkonkoma Aug 9, 1941

Beta Sigma Beta Club   Bottom Row L to R:  Nancy, Anna, Adele Curnan, Dorothy Shuman, Doris Lightfine, Rose Macaluso, Ann Turano, Lill, Rose   Top row L to R:  Roy, Walter Wilber, Peter Cuso, Peter Andrews, Alf Englund, John Osterita, Vincent DeMilo, Angelo Geraci   Sun 6-1-40  Picnic at Valley Stream  on the step of Valley Stream High School

Lillian Herbrandt Stiefel and George F. Stiefel  Dec 30, 1945

Melanie Claire (with Sparky), Lillian H., and George F. Stiefel (with Bootsie) posing for Graniteville Herald

Melanie Claire & Lillian H. Stiefel & Brownie

Lillian Herbrandt Stiefel, Juliette Hughes, Louise Barton, Margaret Timmerman, and Mildred Leopard, and Adelene Hite  1944   Women in Graniteville Company payroll and real estate departments

Lillian Herbrandt Stiefel and Melanie Claire Stiefel    St Augustine, Fla   June 1956

Marilyn Converse & Lillian Vera Herbrandt   March 1944

Hazel Pitts Barr, Melanie Claire Stiefel, Anna Nickens Herbrandt, George Wyman Stiefel, Lillian Herbrandt Stiefel, and George Franklin Stiefel   New Haven, Conn.

George F., Lillian H., and Melanie Claire Stiefel (7 weeks old), October 26, 1952

Lillian H. Stiefel, George F. Stiefel, and Jacko the Monkey  Oct 1952

Melanie Claire (7 weeks old), Lillian H., George Franklin, and George Wyman Stiefel   Oct 26, 1952

Jessie Mae and Claudia, and Lillian H. Stiefel  Aug 1949

The End

The above photo was taken of my grandma, Lillian Herbrandt Stiefel, in December 1966 (the 25th anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor) at the airport in Hawaii. I love this photo. We found it in a photo album when we were cleaning out Grandma's house. I'd never seen it before. She looks so incredibly stylish and beautiful-- that's how she always struck me. I admired her and respected her so much.

Her death came as a shock to us. We had gone down to South Carolina in March to visit grandma and when we saw her, she was the same goofy grandma she always was. I dragged her all over Batesburg, Lexington, and Columbia taking her to thrift stores with me. Ironically, we visited the undertaker and what would become her grave (I'm a sucker for cemeteries, and he just happens to be an old family friend who knows where all our relatives are buried). She stayed up late with me every night (to midnight or so) and would drink beers with us and laugh over the silliest things. She was like a girlfriend to me. A girlfriend who was oh so proud of me (she adored her granddaughters: me and my twin sis, Erin), and loved that I was following my dream, but worried about me every time I headed to New York, or abroad. She was the best book club member you could ever want-- she let me pick all the books! I'd read them, then send them along to her, and a week or two later, we'd discuss.

I was in New York when I got the call that she had passed. We'd been trying to get a hold of her the week before, but hadn't had any luck. No one thought anything of it, since Grandma lived alone, and she was a bit hard of hearing so she wouldn't hear the phone ringing, or a lot of time, she would be out gallavanting around town. We don't know when she died-- her neighbor found her on May 1st, sitting on the guest room bed with the tv on-- she had just gone to sleep. She had been dead for a few days when he found her.

We spent last week cleaning out her house. Because of the odor associated with her decaying body, everything in the house that would hold a scent had to be removed. We spent five long days sorting through and divvying up her belongings. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. It makes one wonder what is a life if it can be dismantled so quickly?



One of the neat things about an overall shitty process was seeing the things that Grandma had cherished. She loved her children, her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren. I was struck by all of the old letters and cards that I had sent her that she still had. She loved photos and had photo albums coming out of her ears (so to speak). She had the last set of photos that my grandfather had been in (he passed away in 1997). She had videos of me from when I had first started modeling-- back in the days when I appeared on MTV and my QVC appearances.

It's been a hard couple of weeks for me. That ever-looming depression seems to be geared up for a return (why, oh, why did I stop taking my anti-depressants at Christmas?). I'm missing the woman that I loved so incredibly much. I'm cursing my own faith that is so weak that I can't be happy that she's gone and in heaven with her Lord.

In short, I am diminished.

Thanks to my friend Lief for his comforting words via the poetry of my favorite metaphysical poet, John Donne:

...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Thank you everyone for your comforting words and prayers. I am so thankful for my friends and those people that support me. You are invaluable.

For those of you who still have grandparents, and moms and dads, take my advice and give them a call. Tell them that you love them. You won't regret that you did.

This is part of my grieving process. I will be back to my old self shortly, I promise. I know all too well that life goes on. I have other news, and shop updates, and new books that I am reading. I'll be back soon.

One of my favorite pictures of Grandma. I'm on the left, and Erin is on the right. Just look at the smiles on our faces to see how much we loved her.

Grandma, I am the luckiest... because I had you in my life.


XOXO,